That Time I Just Sorta Left.

Tonight I left the house as soon as Drake walked in.

I had had it.

You know, a day full of screaming, tantrums, flat out refusing, littles being suddenly oblivious to the fact that Mommy is in charge. We even had a pediatrician appointment in there, and only the good Lord knows how we squeezed in some reading practice and handwriting.

It. An even less glamorous than usual day at the Stable.

So here I am at Panera. I ordered a bread bowl, an apple, and water, and I prayed with all my might that no one would see me here in the corner trying yet again to figure out how to gracefully consume a bread bowl. If you've got any pointers on that front, let me know. It's not pretty.

Anyway.

And as to the aforementioned walk-out, I did have dinner on the table for everyone, a dinner that I felt would be agreeable to all Steeds, big and little alike. AndthenIpackedupmystuffandgrabbedmycoatandnearlyrantothecar. Real quick-like. After goodbyes, hugs, and kisses, of course.

I think this might be a first-time event for me. Drake and I had it on the schedule that I would take some time out of the house for myself tonight anyway. But we hadn't really hashed out the mad dash that I decided to make within 5 seconds of his arrival home. He's a good man, that Drake. He calmly picked up our screaming 3 year old, finished pouring milk, and gently told the kids that Mommy had some things to take care of.

Number 1 on the list? Regaining a little sense of sanity.

As far as my vocation goes, I tend to lose a little of myself within it. I love it with all my heart, even in the midst of the sleep deprivation, meal circuses, and overall balancing act that is being a wife and mom. Those things are the makings of sanctity, what I desire most in this life. And as a service to my kids, sometimes I need to step away from it all and take a deep breath or twenty.

As I was chowing down on my bread bowl, I saw a mom of 3 smallish children sitting in a corner booth. And she just kind of sat there, staring at her kids running around. You know, I really felt for her. I know that feeling of paralysis when you feel like you just couldn't possibly handle the crazy for one second longer and just have to check out in some way.

I think the ideal in motherhood is to sprinkle in bits of self-care and personal time on a regular basis rather than doing something only when panic-mode hits. I so seldom do this, but I so often reach that point and then try, try again to be consistent about balance.

It's hard. But it's necessary. Totally necessary. I used to think it was selfish to ever go anywhere without at least one of my kids...selfish to even consider it, much less actually follow through with it. But a mentor mom encouraged me to see how much I was actually serving my family by taking time to do something enriching (aka, don't spend the personal time scrolling through email or FB for the umpteenth time), something that will revive my soul (which might look different from how you would spend your time) and have a fresh smile on my face and genuine hugs for my husband and children upon my return home.

Sometimes I go to adoration, especially if mass didn't happen earlier in the day. Sometimes I buy a $2 coffee and write. Sometimes I go to a park with a good book. Sometimes I hit the gym or go on a brisk walk.

What do you do to take care of you?

Musings on Motherhood

I'm a tired mama.

Doesn't that go without saying? Moms are some of the hardest workers I know, and I'm not saying that so you'll fill the combox with compliments. Whether up all night with little ones, pregnancy, nursing duties, bringing kids here, there, and everywhere, schooling at home, volunteering at school, cooking, cleaning, planning, sorting, making appointments, budgeting, running errands, and being emotionally available 24/7, motherhood is no joke.

This could be me on any given day. 

I never drank coffee in my previous 28 years of existence. It just didn't appeal to me, and I didn't get the hype. But then my husband entered his 4th year of full-time graduate school, and, well, it became a necessity. Given the up-and-down nature of breakfast at the Stable (read: I am up and down so much that some might argue it counts as my cardio for the day), I don't believe I have ever finished a hot cup of coffee. But I still choke down those last several cold sips because a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

The fatigue is a hard battle for me, especially as someone who struggles with perfection. Today I put some Kipper the Dog episodes on for the kids (have you ever watched this adorable British show? Thomas is convinced that the character Arnold's name is actually Ahnold. I love it.), and as they watched I had these good intentions to do some planning for next week. My first mistake? Sitting on the couch. My second mistake quickly followed as I put the footrest up. It was only a matter of time before I was the gracious receiver of pats on my cheek to the tune of, 'Mommy! Mommy! Moooommmmy!' Needless to say, my well-intentioned planning was replaced by the shortest of naps and a quick trip to the bathroom to wash the drool off my face. True story. And classy to boot.

I think I'm also in good company when I say that there's a lot of pressure to be a super-mom of sorts. What is it that makes a 'good mom?' Your definition may differ from mine, but I'd love to hear your thoughts in the combox.

A good mom knows when to allow sleep to take priority over a swept floor or clean window sill.

A good mom feeds her family the best she can, even if that doesn't mean whole wheat, homemade, no sugar added 100% of the time.

A good mom knows when she needs a break and communicates this to her husband, preferably before the stress reaches a breaking point.

A good mom knows when to choose store-bought Halloween costumes over homemade based on the current mothering 'season.'

A good mom puts her husband first (blog post on this soon to follow).

A good mom puts her personal priorities into action for the good of herself and her family. For me, these are prayer, sleep, daily shower, daily Mass if possible, and exercise.

A good mom knows when her kids just need to get outside, even if it means leaving a stack of dirty dishes in the sink, unfolded laundry on the bed, and toothpaste all over the bathroom.

A good mom has a pulse on her family's needs for rest, leisure, and timelessness at home...and schedules accordingly.

A good mom takes time to pull her children close to her, hug them at every opportunity, and also leave the house when her spouse is home to recharge when needed.

So what's a mom to do when the demands are never-ending, sleep is elusive, and the kids pining for every ounce of energy? This is a particularly universally busy time for moms -- I would argue that now through New Years, the stakes are even higher than usual. Here at the Stable, we've got feast day celebrations, birthdays (parties!), Halloween (costumes!), All Saints Day (costumes!), a saint doll exchange (painting 30 peg dolls as Saint John Paul II...what have I gotten myself into?!), Thanksgiving (traveling!), Advent (planning!), Christmas (planning!), New Years...and I guess some amount of grocery shopping, errand-running, homeschooling, house-cleaning, child-raising, and some of those aforementioned personal priorities will happen between now and then, too.

Whew. 

My goal, especially in these next several months, is to be realistic with myself about what I can handle. My goal is to be smart with my time, whether it needs to be used painting peg dolls or hitting the sack early. My goal is to give my best effort, give any resulting glory to God, and embrace what the moment has to offer.

Keep me accountable, will you?