Doesn't that go without saying? Moms are some of the hardest workers I know, and I'm not saying that so you'll fill the combox with compliments. Whether up all night with little ones, pregnancy, nursing duties, bringing kids here, there, and everywhere, schooling at home, volunteering at school, cooking, cleaning, planning, sorting, making appointments, budgeting, running errands, and being emotionally available 24/7, motherhood is no joke.
This could be me on any given day.
I never drank coffee in my previous 28 years of existence. It just didn't appeal to me, and I didn't get the hype. But then my husband entered his 4th year of full-time graduate school, and, well, it became a necessity. Given the up-and-down nature of breakfast at the Stable (read: I am up and down so much that some might argue it counts as my cardio for the day), I don't believe I have ever finished a hot cup of coffee. But I still choke down those last several cold sips because a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
The fatigue is a hard battle for me, especially as someone who struggles with perfection. Today I put some Kipper the Dog episodes on for the kids (have you ever watched this adorable British show? Thomas is convinced that the character Arnold's name is actually Ahnold. I love it.), and as they watched I had these good intentions to do some planning for next week. My first mistake? Sitting on the couch. My second mistake quickly followed as I put the footrest up. It was only a matter of time before I was the gracious receiver of pats on my cheek to the tune of, 'Mommy! Mommy! Moooommmmy!' Needless to say, my well-intentioned planning was replaced by the shortest of naps and a quick trip to the bathroom to wash the drool off my face. True story. And classy to boot.
I think I'm also in good company when I say that there's a lot of pressure to be a super-mom of sorts. What is it that makes a 'good mom?' Your definition may differ from mine, but I'd love to hear your thoughts in the combox.
A good mom knows when to allow sleep to take priority over a swept floor or clean window sill.
A good mom feeds her family the best she can, even if that doesn't mean whole wheat, homemade, no sugar added 100% of the time.
A good mom knows when she needs a break and communicates this to her husband, preferably before the stress reaches a breaking point.
A good mom knows when to choose store-bought Halloween costumes over homemade based on the current mothering 'season.'
A good mom puts her husband first (blog post on this soon to follow).
A good mom puts her personal priorities into action for the good of herself and her family. For me, these are prayer, sleep, daily shower, daily Mass if possible, and exercise.
A good mom knows when her kids just need to get outside, even if it means leaving a stack of dirty dishes in the sink, unfolded laundry on the bed, and toothpaste all over the bathroom.
A good mom has a pulse on her family's needs for rest, leisure, and timelessness at home...and schedules accordingly.
A good mom takes time to pull her children close to her, hug them at every opportunity, and also leave the house when her spouse is home to recharge when needed.
So what's a mom to do when the demands are never-ending, sleep is elusive, and the kids pining for every ounce of energy? This is a particularly universally busy time for moms -- I would argue that now through New Years, the stakes are even higher than usual. Here at the Stable, we've got feast day celebrations, birthdays (parties!), Halloween (costumes!), All Saints Day (costumes!), a saint doll exchange (painting 30 peg dolls as Saint John Paul II...what have I gotten myself into?!), Thanksgiving (traveling!), Advent (planning!), Christmas (planning!), New Years...and I guess some amount of grocery shopping, errand-running, homeschooling, house-cleaning, child-raising, and some of those aforementioned personal priorities will happen between now and then, too.
Whew.
My goal, especially in these next several months, is to be realistic with myself about what I can handle. My goal is to be smart with my time, whether it needs to be used painting peg dolls or hitting the sack early. My goal is to give my best effort, give any resulting glory to God, and embrace what the moment has to offer.
Keep me accountable, will you?
My mom always had a framed picture in the mudroom that said something like "a clean house is a sign of a life unlived."
ReplyDeleteI know as I learn to be a Father I am having to shed my perfectionism! Or, maybe I am learning that I need to shift my priorities. I don't think "perfectionism" is a bad thing unless one's priorities/values are misplaced. I need to care less about keeping my desk organized and more about making sure I get adequate time in prayer, so when my spiritual children come calling my own Fatherly heart is well grounded on the Rock. Sometimes that means my desk is a mess! (and it still frustrates me a little...)
I agree with you, Father. All things in their proper order and in their proper place, beginning with priorities!
DeleteA good mom knows when to ask others for help and when to say no.
ReplyDeleteThis one has been hitting home for us recently.
Dear friend, I have been thinking of you almost constantly lately. A goal I have this week? A phone call to you!
DeleteAnd gosh, that's a good one...so difficult in practice yet so necessary.